CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 31

These conversations took place in a ski lodge on the planet Snoovius, located in one of the 'Dark Matter’ concentrations of 61 Signi.  Both men had their feet up before a warm fire with a foaming glass of Bandersnatch Brew in hand. “So, Hotshot old buddy, you were asking if I remembered the time we were on Tarkus with the Royal Bandoleers.  You know, I’ve racked my brains on that one and I can’t say that I remember any of those places either.  We may have been there when we were on that comtonic Ky'Tyl treasure hunt.  Which reminds me, I don't even remember if we even found the fabled Ky'Tyl treasure, or whether we were on a ‘for fun’ treasure hunt.  Oh well.”

Before Hotshot could fire of another question of biting bit of repartee he was interrupted by the interstellar announcer, Punjabbar Huttski with a news flash.

 “Flash, flash …  An interstealler UPS or was it DOWNS has delivered a suspicious package to the headquarters of a branch of the Galactic Rangers today.  The branch, located on the planet Snoovius, is currently staffed by those two intrepid Rangers, Captain Hotshot Dolan and Commander Scorpion Speaker.  Anyone knowing anything about the package should immediately clear the area.  That is all.  Signing off for the GBC, this is your announcer, Punjabbar Huttski!”

Sure enough, just as old Punjy signed off, the front door to the lodge opened a crack emmiting flurries of snow and a blast of icy cold air.  Oh yes, a suspicious looking package also appeared.  Then the door slammed shut with a loud booming sound that echoed throughout the building – heh, heh, just added that last for effect.  I watched through blurry eyes as “Scorp” got UP and set Down his drink, picked UP the box and sat DOWN again.  After serious scientific investigation as to the safety of opening it, such as testing its weight by hand and listening to the contents as he shook it, he announced, “I’m going to take a chance and open it.”  Setting the package DOWN he picked UP his drink, took a large sip (actually he downed about half of the glass), set DOWN his drink, picked UP the box and slit the wrapping open to peer at the contents inside.

“A HAH!!”, he said.  “I am amazed!!  There are some wonderful tribute items (aka bribes) in here!  Actually, I think it’s a shady attempt to disguise the anonymous donor of the items.  Looking up at me from his comfortable chair, he spoke in a rather careless manner saying, “I found you fingerprints (and lip prints) all over everything!  Fess up pal.  It was really you trying to do sumpin' nice for me and still uphold your tough guy facade, - right?  I know I may never get a straight answer so I am gonna thank you anyway!”  At this point I realized I had been found out, but not wanting to loose my ‘tough guy’ façade I kept a straight face and said, “Don’t even think about it.”  But it did’t do any good.  “Yep!  Gonna thank you right here and now!  Here comes!  (cough-mumble) Thanks (cough-cough) buddy (cough).  The books from authors all over the quadrant will be much enjoyed!  And the Stool Sample from the Quackerupian Nargul will be enshrined in a thick crystal container and submerged into a reinforced tank of heavy water kept fluid just above freezing.  I look at it often and think of you.  But the grandest of gifts was the shirt!  The kind you know I love.  An original!  Made by those cartisans of renown that you knew I always coveted something from.  I’ll hang it in a clear container for viewing and put on a hook so that I could see it when I fell asleep and when I awoke.  I love it!!  Someday I am actually going to take it out and actually wear it!  Yep!  I really will!  And the associated literature from that region whetted my desire to visit there and do some exploring.  I will try  drilling out the center of some rebar and bending it for a snorkel…  but remember, my waterwings at my waist makes me turn head DOWN and my butt.... errr... hind-end and legs stick UP out of the water. Anyway, (cough) tanks (cough).” 

Old Scorpy always was a softy at heart.

Ps.  Let'h beuqt'n aport'abeth sneuokaque borlethumukutulue bombay'tyl aqt! (You remember Ky'Tylian ... right? )

Hey there Cap'n Hotshot!

My apologies for embarrassing you when we last met, over that "Mike, Its a marble" incident at which you vowed to get even.  You see, I knew it might be unwise to reveal the real nature of that orb in front of so many others.  One might leak the secret out.  Okay, so here is the real scoop.

When I was on Andulshascch last time I had grand bit of luck.  While washing up in a restroom of the palace I noticed that as a Yttriak got off the pot the orb rolled out onto the floor.  It obviously escaped the notice of the enebriated Yttriak Finance and Trade Emmisary.  As soon as it left I very carefully collected the orb with my handkerchief and some bathroom towels.  I went to my room as unobtrusively as possible and hid it.  Then I went out and got a sterilized clearview antigrav vacuum box for it.  Once I had it safe from damage and decay in the little box, I put a vellium foil wrap around it.  Having done all that I went down and thanked my hosts, making an emergency excuse, and as casually as I could, I hastily departed.  I used your trick of a triple warp with a double back in the second warp.   

Once I arrived on Stutasta I deposited it in a numbered secure vault.  That orb is probably worth more than a Nebulous Ruby encrusted velytrium bar!!  By the way, I used to doubt the existence of those bars until one day I saw some special force gendarmes take down a pirate.  When they attempted to move the bar with a class 6 loader and the loader collapsed, I got a glimpse of the bar.  All I can say is Wow!  Being infused and imbued with so many forces has a huge effect on one's psyche.  Excuse me, I diverge.  Now then.  As you may know, these orbs carry that kind of incredible value!  Each one is as unique as a snowflake.  How they came to be known was through the Amoananmoan peoples in the far quadrant of Elixstacy Empire.  They are the richest of all known sentient beings.  Their trading style perplexes even the best of traders.  They are absolutely disinterested in the value of a commodity if they like it.

Determining if they like something seems to be an impossibility though.  If a trader is very lucky he can make a huge profit from even an otherwise worthless commodity.  The Amoananmoans always gather all of the commodity that can be found, thus driving the price up to oblivion, although that is not their goal, since they won't sell anything that they like.  Well, I happened upon an interesting rumor about the orbs.  It seems that some time ago a young trader presented one of these orbs as sample of this trade item to the Amoananmoans.  He explained that each was as unique as a snowflake.  They instantly researched snowflake.  When they said that they wanted to see some of the other unique specimens he was the luckiest trader in history!  He knew then that they liked them and price didn't matter.  He insisted that they had to be viewed in their protected containers aboard his ship, to which they agreed. 

After they examined a few samples aboard his ship, they struck a deal for all that he had and a contract for all that he could procure for them, since he was the only one that knew where their origin was.  The rumor says that he now hides the fact that he is enormously rich because of those trades.  There are some strange similarities in the trade style of one trader in particular that I know ... I would never disclose the revelation that I have come to.  I know that you used to often visit Amoananmoan for some of their legendary ... ummm ... stimulating ... uuumm ... entertainers.  The nonsentient clone that you proudly keep aboard your ship has come to my attention.  The powers of illusion and mind taps, among other abilities that I won't go into now, that the real beings possess cannot be fathomed.

Suddenly something clicked and it all came together for me.  While aboard your ship you seem to anticipate me, and probably anyone else, a bit too often to be coincidence.  You pulled off the greatest trade in the history of the universe!!!  That clone you have is not a clone at all.  She's a real life Amoananmoan!!!!  (gasping at the possibilities and opportunities) ... (recovering my breath and continuing)  I can fill in the gaps easily now.  When the Amoananmoan trade delegation boarded your ship, females were not allowed because of their mind tap abilities (among other things).  Having finally seen one of the legendary orbs today, I recognized it immediately.  My friend, I am in awe of what you pulled off!!  You sold the Amoananmoans every single orb that ever existed.  Those orbs were no longer used in their original location and were merely saved in ancient collections of minor value.  That explains the weird story of an old eccentric buying them all up in his derranged obssession, many years ago.  Buddy, I know what you did!  You sold to the Amoananmoans all that exist in only one place.  You sold them all the marbles on Earth!!!!!  Thats right,  "...its a marble" carried meaning the others present could not guess at!!!  Its now worth more than a Nebulous Ruby encrusted Velytrium bar and I gave it to you, my friend.

~ Enjoy ~

Your friend,

Comdr. Scorp.

ps. Thanks for the "Stool Sample"  (snicker)