CHAPTER 25
The following is a letter from Captain Hotshot to Commander Scorpion. We believe it was dictated during November in the year 2517. It was discovered on cube number 337 storage block 91 on the last complete Tirellian Crystal found in the wreckage of the Federation Heavy Cruiser "Redemption". The wreckage was discovered some 15 parsecs from the shoals of Antixulare IV. No bodies were found, the ships log was missing and there is no evidence as to what happened to bring about this condition. Research of the records has yet to provide a clue to why the ship was attacked. The current whereabouts of either Captain Hotshot or Commander Scorpion is unknown at this time.
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To Commander Scorpion (aka Mr. Donald Speaker, Esquire):
No, no, no, no, no... A bluff is a high embankment, i.e. the edge of a cliff, the sign of a person who hides their feelings, , ooopps - not that last one. Heh, heh, lets back up a bit... a bluff is a high place in a low area. For instance, the last time I ran a bluff was when we were in the Federation Heeavy Cruiser "Deceiver" out by the shoals of Antixulare IV. If you stretch your memory a bit I distinctly said', "Run the bluff" to the helm as we were encountering a high ridge of warp pressure and needed to get across the shoals without leaving our keel behind. I never bluff in poker, I don't even know what it means. And furthermore, I nx$a*%^@??bfT63^^^&,"\\ set eyes on that buxom she cat that beamed in from the Galactic Supermarket on Jinx - wheeeew, remember how she slunk across the bridge and asked for the commander??? The way your eye brows went up was positively mirthful - hah, hah!!
Excuse the interuption, but we must interupt the current dialog to bring you a reminder that there's no soap like Bar Soap. Remember, if you want Soap, Bar Soap is the only way to go.
Please consult our privacy clause and if you wish to stop receiving these annoying interuptions in the future, click the opt-out button below. Thank You, Bar Soap, Inc. where we not only eat our own dog food we use our own soap too!! And now back to the dialog...
Wait a minute, that's right... You did get a little carried away. In fact you must have said something out of context because our sponsor came up from the galley and tried to wash your mouth out with soap, hmmmm..... I think I'll just go down to the holoputer and see what’s happening in the latest episode of Commander Kitty!!
Later Scorp ol buddy,
bbbzzzZZZZZZZTTTTttt
<> This is an Opt-Out button. It may not look like an Opt-Out button, but I assure you, it really is an Opt-Out button. However, I must warn you, clicking on the Opt-Out button can have deleterious side effects - hives, puking purple panticles, excessive billiousness, screaming hebee jebees and most serious, you can be left with a severe case of emtiness or VOID FEVER!! Other than that I have nothing further to say except, I warned you.
Analysis of the memo does not provide any clarity to the wreck. There are a number of cryptic points that are not fully understood. For example, there seems to have been some interference during transmission as the context of the message jumps from the middle of one idea and seems to drop into a totally separate context at this point in the missive, "…, I nx$a*%^@??bfT63^^^&,"\\ set …"
Additional checks through base records seems to indicate that the referenced "she cat" is a being from the planet Watuzia which lies directly across the galaxy and 165 degrees anti-spinward from the site of the wreckage. Then there is the apparent insertion of a commercial for Bar Soap. It is unclear how this could have become part of the correspondence.
And finally, the Opt-Out button. If this is indeed as dangerous as suggested, it is possible that if Commander Scorpion, while on the bridge of the Redemption were to have clicked on the Opt-Out button, then much of what we see here in the wreckage may actually be the result of some Catastrophic Coincidental Calamity.
Yes, this may have been the work of C cubed or C3 for short. This dastardly villain seems to strike with alarming exactitude. Our scientists have concluded that this being lives in a dimension entirely at random to our own. If this is the case then it is possible that we may never see or hear from Commander Scorpion again. Possible … but unlikely.
Until next time, this is Lieutenant Schmedley signing off from the wreck of the Deceiver.
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To Commander Scorpion (aka Mr. Donald Speaker, Esquire):
No, no, no, no, no... A bluff is a high embankment, i.e. the edge of a cliff, the sign of a person who hides their feelings, , ooopps - not that last one. Heh, heh, lets back up a bit... a bluff is a high place in a low area. For instance, the last time I ran a bluff was when we were in the Federation Heeavy Cruiser "Deceiver" out by the shoals of Antixulare IV. If you stretch your memory a bit I distinctly said', "Run the bluff" to the helm as we were encountering a high ridge of warp pressure and needed to get across the shoals without leaving our keel behind. I never bluff in poker, I don't even know what it means. And furthermore, I nx$a*%^@??bfT63^^^&,"\\ set eyes on that buxom she cat that beamed in from the Galactic Supermarket on Jinx - wheeeew, remember how she slunk across the bridge and asked for the commander??? The way your eye brows went up was positively mirthful - hah, hah!!
Excuse the interuption, but we must interupt the current dialog to bring you a reminder that there's no soap like Bar Soap. Remember, if you want Soap, Bar Soap is the only way to go.
Please consult our privacy clause and if you wish to stop receiving these annoying interuptions in the future, click the opt-out button below. Thank You, Bar Soap, Inc. where we not only eat our own dog food we use our own soap too!! And now back to the dialog...
Wait a minute, that's right... You did get a little carried away. In fact you must have said something out of context because our sponsor came up from the galley and tried to wash your mouth out with soap, hmmmm..... I think I'll just go down to the holoputer and see what’s happening in the latest episode of Commander Kitty!!
Later Scorp ol buddy,
bbbzzzZZZZZZZTTTTttt
<> This is an Opt-Out button. It may not look like an Opt-Out button, but I assure you, it really is an Opt-Out button. However, I must warn you, clicking on the Opt-Out button can have deleterious side effects - hives, puking purple panticles, excessive billiousness, screaming hebee jebees and most serious, you can be left with a severe case of emtiness or VOID FEVER!! Other than that I have nothing further to say except, I warned you.
Analysis of the memo does not provide any clarity to the wreck. There are a number of cryptic points that are not fully understood. For example, there seems to have been some interference during transmission as the context of the message jumps from the middle of one idea and seems to drop into a totally separate context at this point in the missive, "…, I nx$a*%^@??bfT63^^^&,"\\ set …"
Additional checks through base records seems to indicate that the referenced "she cat" is a being from the planet Watuzia which lies directly across the galaxy and 165 degrees anti-spinward from the site of the wreckage. Then there is the apparent insertion of a commercial for Bar Soap. It is unclear how this could have become part of the correspondence.
And finally, the Opt-Out button. If this is indeed as dangerous as suggested, it is possible that if Commander Scorpion, while on the bridge of the Redemption were to have clicked on the Opt-Out button, then much of what we see here in the wreckage may actually be the result of some Catastrophic Coincidental Calamity.
Yes, this may have been the work of C cubed or C3 for short. This dastardly villain seems to strike with alarming exactitude. Our scientists have concluded that this being lives in a dimension entirely at random to our own. If this is the case then it is possible that we may never see or hear from Commander Scorpion again. Possible … but unlikely.
Until next time, this is Lieutenant Schmedley signing off from the wreck of the Deceiver.
posted by Mike and Tina at 6:38 PM
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