CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 30

(Received as part of an encrypted set of messages between Captain Hotshot and Commander Scorpion.  The messages were intercepted by Central Command during routine surveillance of the Rigel IV star system.  After extensive reviews and attempts to crack the code, the Supreme Bashar determined that either both men were delirious or up to something.  Since both conditions frequently apply in their case, a decision was made to wait for further evidence of strange behavour before taking any action.  So, once again, Captain Hotshot and Commander Scorpion have evaded disciplinary action by Central Command. – ed.)

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“This message is being sent at the request of the local mail server and has no bearing on anything whatsoever to whomever at any time, place or casual greeting but may be served with a light red or other bubbly soft shoe tickety boo which as of the latest date we find that the wicked witch is dead, long live the latest and greatest from Ramos Inc.

By the by... I received a message from you that my server was being blocked.  I'm not sure but it maybe it was merely going through one of those phases, you know, where nothing seems to work but a dose of castor oil twice a day seems to keep it running smoothly or is that Smythely?  I'm never quite sure which it is... as I was saying to Commander Scorpion the other day, "Scorp ol buddy, we've just got to stop drinking that Rigullian Prosit.  Not only is it bad for our health but it's hard on my sinuses too!

Cap'n Hotty

p.s.  It was a lovely picture but you'll have to send it over as I deleted the message without opening it.  I was infected last week and it took me three hours to get my system clean again.  But I'm all better now and think I'll open another of those small sparkling sodas we brought back from Grumpius VII.  They really give me a lift.  Ha, ha!!

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Hey Hotshot!!

Hey (cough) Hotty (cough).  I think I found the problem with your blockage (cough cough).  I sent a Serian Nano-Virus-Killer-Sleuth searching through the systems.  It disappeared so I sent a Nano Hunter in search of it.  Here is a condensation of the report of events, that I got back:

Turns out that the Sleuth found a Deep-Delving-Scumsucker in a hidden sensitive system area.  The Sleuth ate the Sucker and was too swollen from the feast to back its way out.  The Hunter determined that since the Sleuth ate a Sucker it became modified by the ingestion and had become a Sleuth Sucking Scum.  Well, as always, the Hunter impaled the SSS and delivered it back to the darkroom of mysterious goings-on (aka quarantine).  The problem developed when the sucker became overfilled and created a blockage.  When the Hunter did in the Sucker, the pressure behind the blockage exploded.  Of course, this fairly mucked up the interface.  Automaton-Muck-Scrapers immediately restored the interface to a pristine condition.  Alas, your infectious circumstances are now all cleaned and relieved.

Hrrmmm . . . That was an odd report.  I think I should have a super sleauth get in there and poke around a bit ... or maybe not ... hrmmm.  Anyway,

Tis a bonney thing that my ears kin see you returnin'.  Alas, tis as a spring zepher under me cap and grand ale ticklin me nose that you are feelin' well and still have your touch o' the blarney.  I am off to dance wit' me bonney bride.  We will kick up our heels twice.  Once a dancing to a cheery tune and again later ... uuummm ... nevermind.  May the sun streak you window panes and the breeze set the clothes on your line to dancin'.

All dressed up in long green tails, Commandeering Scorpy
ps. Dis green Erin Brandy ith da besteth in disss ssector ub da home syshtem.  Meybe ith eben betta dan Grobb's Erudian Liquouer (sic).  But I mus' confesh dat iths habin an afeck on me.  I will keep wurkin on it though.

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Attention Commander Scorpion!!!

This is a formal notice from your commanding officer, Captain Hotshot – We are on a quest in the continuing saga of Captain Hotshot and Commander Scorpion... two dashing men in black who always seem to be into some nefarious action on behalf of (or in spite of) Central Command!!  Heheh!!

Some day we'll have to look back on where we've been (as opposed to lookin where we're going), tip a few and have a laugh or two over our "doings".

Captain Hotshot

p.s.  You're supposed to drink that stuff slooowwwwwwwlllllyyyy -- that way you always maintain control of the cup otherwise the cup gets control of you and you end up in the cup... or is that in your cups???  Ha ha~

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Eeeoooww Cappy!!

I forgot.  You are SO right!  and by the way, its "in your cups".  When I wear one, the cup sizes are a good B or C nowadays.  I know its been awhile, but how do you drink out of the darn things?  Everything seems to run right through them to the liquid waste collector /separator /distiller /discharger (aka urinal)...too soon.  I went to the local pub here in Pharcide and while sipping a DonHo Shark'sTooth I observed that the only ones that drank that stuff sloooowly, as you suggested, were old guys.  Finally a light came on and I understood your meaning.  Its not just because they had grown old and weaker.  Its because they had grown older and wiser!!  I sauntered over to join in their conversation.  Alas, when they saw what I was drinking, one merely said, rather arrogantly, "The shark in your drink died".  They all turned away and continued talking among themselves.  Old buddy, you gotta know that I was mortified (passed the mortician test, I did!), and my blood began to boil!  Fortunately, one of those old geezers was a doctor and got my blood condition back under control.  In appreciation, I offered to buy him (her?) a drink.  But then he (she?) glanced at my half empty brandy snifter with a dead shark floating belly up and declined with a wave of his/her hand.  Well you know what I had to do then.  Like an automatic response that had become almost instinctive I was all over him!!  (The bartender, that is…). That drink jockey was really sorry for the poor condition of my drink and offered me another ... and another ... and I don't remember much after that.  Sorry, I diverged.  Getting back on subject, I got your meaning about drinking them sloooowly and being wise about my drinking .... oh wait ... forget all that story above (glancing up through my ubber-bushy eyebrows).  So, I took your unspoken advice to heart, because you are my best humanoid type friend.  You know me so well, you have probably already guessed what I did next.  I sat around for a couple of weeks practicing drinking wisely.  Well, okay, its was a couple of months.  But I have mastered it and am in complete control of any alcoholic beverage up through most old world wines.  I still have a lot of practice ahead of me before I master ... what was it I was drinking????  Oh well.  Sorry to cut this (cough) short (cough), but the timer just went off and I need to return to my studies (practice).

Compai! *

“Yur buddy Scorp”

ps: I like the idea of reviewing our ... uuuumm ...adventures, using the term loosely.

* (Compai is Japanese for "toast!")